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 The land of Anita Bryant has become the land of the Rainbow Republic. So why is it still so damn hard to come out of the closet in Miami-Dade and Broward?
The corridor between Ft Lauderdale and Miami has one of the biggest gay populations in the U.S. Businesses are either owned by gays and lesbians, run by them, or the businesses are uber gay-friendly (I’ve always wanted to say “uber”). When Tim Hardaway trips over his own homophobia (read that as “fear of gay” not “hatred of gays”), he must remove his name from a business in which he is an investor in Miami. The land of Anita Bryant has become the land of the Rainbow Republic. So why is it still so damn hard to come out of the closet in Miami-Dade and Broward? I work with college students. Many are struggling with their self-identification as GLB or T and suffering greatly. GLBT kids and young adults have an alarmingly high suicide rate. And many, who do not think about killing themselves directly, flirt with it through drugs, alcohol and dangerous sex. Why? Why is it so hard here in the Middle of Gay Florida?
One reason for the difficulty in coming out of the closet is that the closet is most often located in Mom and Dad’s house. Kids are declaring their gayness earlier and earlier. I’ve worked with kids as young as 12 who absolutely know that they are gay. (Unless the parents are ex-hippies but still stoned most of the time, I usually advise the 12 year olds to stay mute.) I heard a saying once that your mother is the first to know but the last to find out. That’s cute and seems pretty accurate. We all live with a certain level of acceptable denial (without it I 95 would be empty). But when parents are forced to face their kid’s sexual orientation, they become frightened of AIDS and discrimination and their child’s possible loneliness and alienation, all the common stereotypes. I mean even in gay-friendly Broward the mayor of Ft Lauderdale can announce that public toilets will have timers in order to discourage “homosexual behavior”. That tells me he doesn’t know much about “homosexual ingenuity”, but that’s for another column.
Most parents who have reasonable fears and concerns for their gay children eventually come around. They embrace their GLBT offspring as different from their other children but well within the normal range of human behavior. But two other elements come together in a most South Florida sort of way to wreck havoc on the coming out process: race (ethnic background) and religion. First race – many people in South Florida come from ethnic families that heartily endorse “Don’t ask/don’t tell”. Whether it’s island men and their “sweethearts” or Latino (read macho) with their affairs or others with mistresses or actually second and third families, it is often known but rarely discussed. Well, “coming out” is a public declaration. Parents keep their side of the bargain, they don’t ask. They may suspect or worry, but they don’t ask. But the kids increasingly don’t keep their side of the bargain. They tell. And parents go ballistic! Like our military, the “out” GBLT kid gets kicked out of the house and the family. What motivates this extreme behavior? It’s tricky to try to tie one motive to this “family drama”, but it often boils down to shame. Guilt is a private emotion, shame is a public event. Parents often fear the shame that realistically goes on in many ethnic families. Other members will look down on them, blame them, pity them, or even mock them. This is not paranoia. This shaming actually happens in many households. DL is tailor-made for shame-based families.
Religion is where the guilt kicks in. Many GLBT kids have been taught that their homosexuality is a choice they made and that it is a sinful choice. This belief is so ingrained in some folks, that it may take years of therapy to free them. While lay Catholics, Protestants and Jews (non Orthodox) do not hold this view polls indicate, Evangelical and “born again” people do. Literal interpretation of Scripture leads to the familiar “abomination” charge. And in Miami, a large number of Latino and black families grow up in these faiths. Albert Ellis, a famously cantankerous psychologist, once said that all neurosis can be traced to organized religion. I used to laugh at that, but now I wonder if he might not be on to something. Sadly, it would seem that the only way a gay person could survive would be to leave that kind of condemning Church.
I started this article with the premise that it is difficult to come out in Miami-Dade and Broward. It is. But it is not impossible. Thanks to publications like this one and organizations like The Yes Institute in Miami the public can be educated and GLBT kids can be kept alive and thriving. Bravo!
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