Upon hearing that a proposed Florida constitutional amendment banning same-sex-marriage had qualified for the November ballot, I was reminded of an episode of the Emmy winning animated television series Family Guy that I had recently seen.  The similarities between the show and the looming battle over basic civil rights are numerous and hilarious

In the episode I caught on local FOX 7, Quahog, Rhode Island Mayor Adam West (voiced by the real Adam West of the old Batman series) tries to ban gay marriage to divert attention from a bad investment he made with the taxpayers’ money.  This motivates one of the main characters, Brian, to fight for the right of his cousin Jasper to marry boyfriend Ricardo. 

As Brian goes door to door to find support for gay marriage, Chris, another central character on the show, is promised by a young Republican girl that he can touch her boobs if Chris can thwart Brian’s efforts.  Lois Griffin, another of the show’s primary players, proclaims she has not personal animosity against gays by saying, “I don’t have anything against homosexuals.  I’ll watch almost anything David Schwimmer is in!” But her religious upbringing causes her inner turmoil about the gay marriage issue. 

With the show’s trademark crude and boorish humor and groan-inducing double entendres and innuendoes, the show’s creator Seth MacFarlane and his writers demonstrate the hypocrisy of those who insist on forcing their religious values down the throats of society, while trying to sweep their own vices under the proverbial rug. The episode was also funny as hell!

The push to embed the state’s already existing legal ban against gay marriage in Florida’s constitution is not about protecting the family or the sanctity of marriage.  There’s absolutely nothing more that any two same-sex loving homos could possibly do to destroy their precious institution than the damage already wrought by straight, foot tapping, Republican Senators, drug addicted pop tart moms and male escort hiring preachers. 

Including a gay marriage ban on the November ballot is simply a blatant attempt to stir up the Bible thumping zealots and get them to the polls. Though very few right wingers are excited about touching Senator McCain’s boobs, there’s nothing better than a good old ‘bash the queer’ effort to drive the faithful to the ballot box! A CNN/Opinion Research Corporation poll in November, 2007, revealed that 77 percent of likely Republican voters in Florida opposed making same-sex marriage legal…and there you have it. 

Back to Family Guy…there were many memorable quotes in this particular episode (Originally aired April 30, 2006).  The statement that resonated with me was voiced by Peter Griffin, the character the show revolves around.  In response to his wife Lois’ concerns about gay marriage, Peter exclaims, “What’s wrong with gay marriage? I say let them get married and be miserable like the rest of us!” I’ll admit that I’m a little indifferent on the issue of gay marriage.  I don’t ever see myself getting ‘hitched’, even if the U.S. Constitution guaranteed us that right. I don’t need the blessings of the church nor the state on who I choose to love.   

But I do have a clear understanding of the ramifications of including in the state constitution an amendment that would define marriage in Florida exclusively as between “only one man and one woman.”  Not only would this law discriminate against homosexuals but it would also deny rights to unmarried heterosexual couples, depriving them of sharing benefits such as health insurance. 

But paramount in the whole controversy is the fact that, if this amendment passes, Florida’s constitution will be used to discriminate against a whole class of innocent citizens.  With the passage of this amendment the Sunshine State would join 27 others that have chosen to diminish human rights rather than expand them!

In the end, Brian prevails and Mayor West backs down.  Lois is enlightened and agrees to hold the wedding at her home.  Chris doesn’t get to feel up the Young Republican chick, but Jasper does marry Ricardo and everyone lives happily ever after… as far as we know. We can only hope that life DOES imitate animated art this November.  
 
I strongly encourage all the readers to get involved in our state’s efforts to stop this amendment by visiting either the Florida Red and Blue Campaign or Fairness for All Families.  Join the mailing lists to stay updated and make a contribution if you can.  We can’t let this wedge issue take away the much needed domestic partnership rights of LGBT families or sway the Presidential election in November.   

David L. Wylie is the Senior Editor of GaySOFLA Magazine.  Wylie is passionate about creating an online media outlet that will encourage, entertain and educate the south Florida LGBT Community.  Wylie hopes that GaySOFLA serves that purpose.  He can be reached at David@gaysofla.com