Well, well, well, seems like those evil political gays are up to no good again, in this occasion soiling the image of one of our patrician delegates to sexual congress. The man in question none other than respected Idaho senator for the past TWO DECADES Larry Craig. He joins the ranks of soiled republican politician faggits and men in the service of the Lard Mark Foley and Rev. Ted Haggard.

Without a doubt this is a conspiracy from Soviet Sodomites of the red Devil’s Party who want to take this country to hell and away from the Republican Gawd.  Their agenda is to destroy the moral fiber of Amuuurica by compromising the rePUTAtions of members of our divinely appointed rePUBICan theocracy surely the last bastion of morality and defender of Amuuurica’s puritan values and religious fervor; after all we are the same ones that saved the Salem witches by Christian barbequing them and we are now taking our Texan compassion to the Middle East one tank at the time, saving those lost souls one bullet at a time, Yeeehaw!!! . 

As you may recall these evil slanderers began with our own Floridian representative for six terms and Boy Scout aficionado Mark Foley - a staunch critic of Gay marriage and defender of traditional values - accusing him of entertaining inappropriate conversations with his 16 year old page boy-toy. True Marky was inquiring about his boy’s masturbatory habits and penile length (a claimed 7.5 inches, my, oh my…) which he wanted to confirm in person but let me tell you something: that is NOT GAY!!! Actually the correct term is pedophilia and this concept was embraced in classical Greece and Rome which as we all know had great culture and some faaabulous pink boa wearing architects and that makes it OK! Anyways Foley was only making sure his page was a healthy boy able to sustain a full erection, while providing him with some alcohol, what is so wrong with that? His concern had a parental, mentoring quality in its earnest to inquire about the boy’s preference in lube, phallus size and assorted masturbatory techniques.  Something every Daddy and chicken hawk MUST do and we all know ingesting alcohol is great for the heart, so you better get your children on it. But judge for yourselves, here is a priceless link to his IM’s dialogues. Lovely
! http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Mark_Foley_Chat_Logs 

Poor Mark Fagley had to resign his post due to this misrepresentation of true concern for the young as if this wasn’t enough the next one to be targeted was the revered pastor Ted Haggard from the Colorado New Life Church, leader of the National Association of Evangelicals in 2003, chosen by Time Magazine as one of the most influential Evangelicals in this land of the Lard and a loyal Bush supporter (not that kind of Bush, buster!), credited with winning many votes for our bedeviled  supreme decider.  Last year our hero pastor Faggard’s faith in our republican Gawd was tempted by a Democratic evil male prostitute with a 12 inch flapping penis. In the pastor’s own words he was only there to receive a massage (an internal one, including esophagus, intestines and some necessary external cheek slapping) which as we all know, it’s good for the circulation of fluids. Needless to say the Pastor took it all in stride evincing a soldier like resistance to the temptation to let go of this evil penis, yes my dears he sacrificed his own Christian anal virginity for us all believers in the republican Gawd, he even went on an amphetamine trip just to prove that you can defeat drugs and a tight sphincter at the same time and you know what? That is NOT GAY,  noooo siiir I think the correct term should be: “hypocritical Pharisee size queen pastor for Christ on amphetamines”  of course Rev. Faggerty following the lines of every other televangelical swine Leader (Swaggart, Baker, both implicated with hookers, prostitures, harlots, strumpets and regular street whores) begged for forgiveness and then undertook a 3 week program that turned him hete… heter… hmmm ok turned him sexual. Whatever, he is washed of his sins now and if you don’t believe it go look for him at the stalls of his church’s men’s room.
 http://www.denverpost.com/ci_5164921 

Which takes us to our Republican role model of the day: Senator Larry “Boys room” Craig. My thoughts are he was evidently framed just like Roger Rabbit (remember that movie?) oh and he is most definitely NOT GAY. I mean this cop in civilian attire who was passing gas in the stall next to our Idaho potato head leader evidently knows nothing about the music of restrooms. It is clear as the sun that if someone taps his feet at a stall next to you he is either a famous musician or a tap dancer, a person of the artistic persuasion; heck it might even be Fred Astaire keeping rhythm to his own defecation next to you! If the same person pushes his 62 year old foot into your stall until it’s touching your own foot, it doesn’t mean that he wants to have SEX with you! Pleeeeease some common sense here people!!!! it might be that he wanted to compare shoe styles or just wants to show you what a great job he’s done shining his crystal slippers! This man has pride in what he does, jeez! Senator Astaire pleaded guilty -but just because he confused the term with NOT guilty, they even sound alike which is misleading- and was let go to continue his tapping at different restrooms across the nation. I believe PBS will soon air a special on Senator Larry Craig ASStaire’s restroom tap dancing.
 http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070829/ap_on_go_co/craig_arrest